change

i don't need you and your silverfish-memories
i don't need anyone.
needing is dangerous.
or is it not needing that is dangerous?
i'm not sure
anymore.
both have done me harm.
maybe
it's just life that's dangerous.
the cracked stone
the divide
ashen skin and pallid hands
i force breath back into you. you will breathe.
you will.
you don't.

disconnected

maybe when God made the world He left the moon unfinished
and that is why there is a dark side
that we are always reminded of, reflected in ourselves

-

don't panic.
if you panic, you'll lose it.
keep calm
breathe
remember.
a day at a time.
remember.
you don't owe anyone anything
remember
this is your world and you decide
remember
where you've been is who you are
it's true we make or break ourselves
we don't have to be pretty if we're strong
this is who you are.
breathe.
remember.

-

i pull my knees up to my chest
make myself small as dust
that's what i am
nameless, i drift
and i don't need anyone to tell me who i am

-

the eyes of the people follow me around the room
and i cannot hide in the light
you wanted something i couldn't give
didn't have
but i suppose i provided solace for a while
i knew you couldn't be grounded for long -
not like that, not by me -
and sure enough, after a time
you flew free.

-

she knows something is wrong.
"be kind to yourself," she says
but i want to work until i'm lost in it
the way i'm lost in this.