I'm going to stay.

I'm going to stay until there's nothing left
I'm going to stay until my bones and home are ash and dust
I'm going to stay until the stars burn out one by one
I'm going to stay until the sky falls down.
I'm going to stay until the sun dies and the earth is barren and lifeless
I'm going to stay until every living thing, every ghost and memory and echo of a human being is forgotten, washed away.
I'm going to stay until our continents crash together and collide over the ocean we cursed a thousand times, and I'm going to stand on the edge and wait for you.

I'm going to stay until my skin is old and wrinkled and soft, eyelids closing, breath shallow, and I will keep holding on.
I'm going to stay beyond the frame of space and time, beyond where and when and who and why until my identity blurs into the universe, into the galaxies, and still I'm going to stay.
I'm going to stay until the end of days, and after that?
I'm going to stay.

sleep

eyes wide open always wide open don't dare glance at the clock afraid that 3am is going to laugh in my face again isn't it funny that the one thing i do that make me seem my age is so involuntary sleep all day stay up all night but i never meant this to happen never meant to be so sleeplessly alive that it would seep through my eyelids and keep me awake mind whirring and answerless and not fuelled on caffeine no i woke up sleepless and blinking and kept my poor body running with three spoons of sugar on my cereal and a pint mug of coffee even though i can't stand the taste see how i buy into it not quite as special as i'd like to think am i just a glassghost drifting in a sea of corporeal bodies i haven't learned how to imitate dreamwalker among the awake and sleepless among the sleeping where do i fit in so far there is no puzzle piece that fits mine my dreams might be full of inspiration but they are always too far away and i don't know don't know don't know don't know who i want to be.

rain

pathetic fallacy beneath desks behind eyes behind clouds and smiles where shadows lurk creatures whisper damn i'm supposed to be listening what was that sorry won't happen again role call is that what the Americans call it hyperactive manic mind bruise-eyed not-quite-adults stupid grins motivationless meanwhile i slide through glass and manmade rivers the canals are freezing is this the all time low is it these stars is it these scars that are my last that were my first blind blind blind blink away tears the rain makes me feel alive so so alive damn lost the conversation oh we're talking about rain she says it makes her miserable it makes him angry but the rain is so very beautiful reflections of water and headlights and stop saying like oh tornado here we are again some nights i am cold and thin full of skinny thoughts echoing lost songs and sighs where figures dance to the light of the moon like the fable says hurricane hearts are blown apart by the storm.

even you

clockwork heart
beating
in the night
not silent
i want my machinery to stop
click and clack into stillness
i want my heart to beat
on its own
without cogs and twirling metal
more than i've ever wanted
anything.
even you.

new year

new year
a new beginning
and I have to remember when i write the date
new start
new life -
no,
it's not a new life.
it's the same old one
transplanted into another time
and as we waited
bated breath
glasses ready to clink
for some it was already time to wake
time to live.
live well.
live happily.
live.

infinite

Every electrified particle and atom of matter 

Every casual brush of clothing, accidental 

You're there.

Every workaholic stressor with creases round his eyes 

Every unassuming comment made with darkened, laugh lined smiles 

You're there. 

I can see your face, all made of Greek letters and stormy Michelangelo pencil strikes. 

I see you. 

My dear, last night I lay in the grass and you were there in the night. I closed my eyes and you asked me, "Are you happy?" I wasn't sure. 

My dear, I caught your eye across the street and fought the crowd to find you, but when I arrived you were gone. 

My dear, I saw you across the street and waved at you, a smile on my face and electric bones. You waved back and in that moment I saw you more clearly than I ever had. You are infinite. 

wretch

Here we stand
In an era of texts and wretched selfies
Where I hide my words away
Because secrets can be stolen
And I would rather keep them hidden
From the public prying eye
Than watch as your pretty lips
Mouth goodbye to any shred of dignity
That I retained
My ideogram language
To stay sane in a down and out
Eclipsed society
And I would say
Stay away from my friends
If I had any to save
Here we go again
Kissing stars and keeping hearts
Escaping all our preconceived loneliness
Beauty forgotten but not gone
Forgotten but not silent
You never heard me leaving
And now I'm never
Coming back.